| Book Review: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man - What men really think about love, relationships, intimacy, and commitment By Steve Harvey with Denene Millner Harper Collins 2009 Review by: Cherish Hamutoff After much success with his “Ask Steve” segment on the Steve Harvey Morning Show in which women called in to ask for relationship advice, comedian Steve Harvey, with the help of Denene Millner, has written his first book on relationships; Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man - What men really think about love, relationships, intimacy, and commitment. Steve sets out to set women straight about men while using humor and real life examples to soften his frank instruction. Act Like a Lady is broken into three big sections: “The Mind-Set of a Man” displays how men and women differ in how they love, what they need and words they fear; “Why Men Do What They Do” plainly lays out what men want, how they view women and why they cheat; and finally, “The Playbook: How to Win the Game” lays out clear guidelines on how to get respect, how to get the man you want and how to get your ring. Steve Harvey believes that, “Try as they might, women just don’t get us,” and aims to plainly guide woman as a big brother might; he gives a bit of tough love, reveals a few secrets, offers an instruction manual for change and throws in some heart-felt personal stories for good measure. He ties it all up with his signature good- hearted humor, and you can feel that he knows what he’s saying and has as desire to truly help. His advice is not new and nothing shocking is revealed, however it’s refreshing to have some things you suspected to be true confirmed so bluntly. Steve hits on what drives a man; “who he is, what he does, and how much he makes.” Yes, it’s a generalization, but it’s generally seen to be true, and once you understand how most men operate, you can see if you “can see yourself in that plan…then latch onto it.” Steve doesn’t try to teach women to deceive men, but how to work with them on their level. Some points got a knee-jerk reaction when I shared them with my girlfriends – they saw where they personally kept going wrong, and it was a bitter pill to swallow. The biggest eye opener was how Steve opens up about how you will know if a man loves you. Women can keep justifying being with a man, but if he doesn’t exhibit Steve’s three key points, you will know you’re not in his plans. These are things I’ve been telling my friends, so it was refreshing to have a man back me up on this. And Steve’s mantra is a far better measure than He’s Just Not That Into You. Other items that were no big surprise were that men love sex, need sex and won’t go long without sex. While Steve grazes the line of blaming the woman for men’s cheating ways, he backs up his controversial claim with many other reasons that don’t involve the woman, with the current woman being only one of them. Thankfully, he never excuses bad behavior, and additionally, he offers ways to lessen the chance that the man will cheat. Some women will be offended by this, others will learn from the well-meaning tutorial. My favorite section of the book is titled, “Men Respect Standards – Get some.” Steve shares a story about how he came to be with his wife; he was divorced, was floating around and was dating his future wife when a booty call called and Steve took the call. His future wife packed her bags and was almost out the door, when Steve stopped her at the door, threw down and broke his phone, vowed to make a serious commitment and “became the man she needed me to be because she has sense enough to have requirements—standards that she needed in a relationship in order to make the relationship work for her.” He says that women set the pace, tone and shape of the relationship – women control how they’re viewed, when they will have sex, and if they’re a “sports fish or a keeper,” (meaning: a play thing or the marrying type). Again, this section may put off some women since Steve’s rule is that you are the one that controls your actions which in turn controls his actions, and not the other way around. In other words, he’s bad because you let him be. However the tone is still more instructional than anything else. Steve Harvey doesn’t try to make it all the woman’s fault and he doesn’t mean to say that men are bad because of women, but he puts a lot more of the responsibility on the woman than most women would like to have. He insists, “See, a lot of men would be better men if they were required to be, well, men.” It almost borders on forgiving men for their “boys will be boys” ways, but that’s not the point of the book. The point of Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man is to help frustrated women read the often frustrating and obscure signals of men, help them see the warning signs before they get in too deep and help them get out of a go nowhere relationship if they do want to go somewhere. Steve insists that women need to figure out what their standards are and plainly let the man know – up-front – what they are, then enforce them and have a consequence if they are not followed. In his words: “Make clear to him what you’re worth, and that you come at a cost.” If you can read this with an open mind, this book is an entertaining, informational bitter-sweet pill that, if taken correctly will cure many of your relationship woes. |