| WHY INFIDELITY ISN'T ALWAYS A DEALBREAKER |
| WHY INFIDELITY ISN’T ALWAYS A DEALBREAKER By: Cherish Hamutoff Published: 16 March 2010 A woman’s reasons for staying with her cheating man are as varied as the reasons he cheats. And it’s not just that women become more tolerant as a marriage matures; even a newly wedded wife will often find that what she thought was a “deal breaker” is something she’s willing to live with. The proof is in the numbers: Peggy Vaughn, author of Preventing Affairs: You Can Have a Monogamous Marriage, But Not by Just Assuming You’re Immune (Dialog Press), found that up to 75% of couples involved in infidelity stayed together. So what are the reasons a woman “stands by her man?” They fall into three general categories: sacrifice, self-preservation and practical. 1. Sacrifice: Her family is opposed to divorce. She (and her family) has an emotional history with him. Her ability to provide is compromised. 2. Self-Preservation: She’s afraid to be alone. She may lose her community of friends. She’ll lose her social status and professional identity. She has secret aspirations that are tied into being with him. 3. Practical: An ideal man does not exist. The marriage may end up stronger than before. Whatever a woman’s reasons for turning the other cheek, it’s important to discover his reason for straying in the first place; otherwise she may find herself checking off new reasons to keep forgiving his ongoing behavior. |